ironic ‘08

recently i met a guy.

a guy from my past who’d help me realized that I’m such a bitch. haha…somehow it made me felt like so relieved. GAWD! Wish I could describe that feeling here for you guys, but it’s impossible.

The irony was that I was just discussing with azim last nite while we were resting. We giggled just remembering how in-profficient our way of love was. each of us have our own admirers and crushes but in the end we ended up with each other! how about that? what a small circle we lived in.

Well, I remembered the meeting, and it goes like this:

GUY    : hey, are you by any chance be….JUITA?

ME    : (turning slowly and with a poker face, answered) Who’s asking?

GUY    : You are JUITA! Hey, it’s me, R.

ME    : (grilling my cramped mind to remember) ahhhh…hi. How are you? (giving him my most dashing smile)

GUY    : I’m fine. Fine. How bout you?

ME   : Oh…yea, I guess I’m….fine too. (scratching my head)

It was kinda awkward. I was just refusing to look him in the eye. He reminded me of how inconsiderate I was back then. Thinking of only myself. Being selfish was such a luxury.

Hah, the conversation didn’t end there. we actually proceed to have a short breakfast since I haven’t had mine early that morning. Work. What can I say? If someone wanted to pay for it, you take it!

We talked and talked, and the whole time he was looking at me with the same look he had back when we were together. I felt a lil guilty reminiscent bout the old times with him. The love. The moment. The pain. The passion. And it didn’t help to find that he is more good looking now. Keeping himself buffed after all these years! Wow! He smell good too. He was wearing a full suit. Clean shaved. His hair was styled to prefection. And that red tie! Damn, it looked good on him. DAMN that tie!!!

Darn! I forgot why I dumped him on the first place. He was such a nice guy. What went wrong?

We continued to talk until our food arrived and he joked about my habit of eating halfway and forcing him to finish the rest. Hell yeah, that was then, now I love my food and appreciate it more. After knowing Azim. He noticed I’d changed a bit. Disregard my body of course that changed a lot. My personality. My believes. even my eyes! Haha! I was wearing coloured contacts! BUt one thing remained the same. My laughter.

Somethin just wasn’t right. The thing about meeting your ex-es after thirteen years was that you’re eager to find out if he’d found someone better than you. If he does, you’ll feel envy. But if otherwise, you’ll feel relieved because you know you’ll always be his only love. AHAH! Yea, what a bi-yatch!! BIG TIME.

So here’s how I grilled him for that particular question:

ME    : So, you seem happy. (I noe it’s lame but we have to start slow…)

R     : You noticed? (laughing) Well, business being going great! Money coming in. I’m healthy. Can’t complain.

ME    : (thinking hard for next brilliant question) Perhaps your love life helps you a lot too? (That’ll get to it!)

R      : (staring at me for the longest seconds) Love life? Are you asking whether I’m married?

ME   : (SHIT! I’m caught!!! Cover line ITAAA!!!) Wha- ?? …is that wrong? Sorry, just that you seems so happy. I can’t help but asking.

R      : (sigh) Cheessh! I noe you have. I’m glad. (perhaps he noticed my giant diamond!)

ME    : (growling) You’re not anwering the question (paused) So…have you?

R      : Nope. (smiling dashingly) Haven’t found anyone yet.

ME    : (act surprise!) C’mon, surely you’d dated some! (fake laugh!!) I remember. I saw you once!

R       : It didn’t worked out. So I stopped searching. Besides I’m happy rite now. That’s what important.

ME    : (Suddenly felt guilty like a Giant rock fell over my HEAD) Right…

I don’t noe why. I do feel relieved. But at the same time, I felt like I have to be blame. I noe what he’d to go thru finding out his girlfriend fell out of love for him. He was in pain. Seeing him appealing to me, crying. It was the first time I saw a man cried over me. Boy! It sure was not a fucking pleasant sight!

He’d to fight over me in public. He’d to come every week to see me all the way from outstation. Wow…all that reminded of what he’d gone thru to just be with me. Only to be push away like that. Cripes! What was I thinking?

But it’s ironic to see him happy without me in his life. He’s doing so well with his business. He’s becoming such a hottie now. (Noticed few girls glancing our way throughout our breakfast) He’s never been that charming looking when he was with me. Perhaps now, he’s free of any commitment, that give him time to prep himself.

But the most ironic of it all, I was waiting for him to exchange our numbers so dat we can keep in touch sometime….to add salt into my wound, he didn’t just NOT asking for my number but also didn’t want to give me his card. He did show me but refused to give me one. Eventhough I frantically asked him for it!

What’s his problem?!!!

His reason was:

R   : I’m glad we met. I was hoping to see you someday. And this is the DAY. Don’t get me wrong. I believe it was destined for us not to be together. But I need to do this to get over you. Be happy.

Then he waved and just like that he left.

He left? It took quite a awhile to get a grip of what just happened. On my way back to the office, I was brainstorming of what just occurred. Meeting him made me realized what a bitch I was. Making him felt like that troubles me. My selfish act had changed a goofy guy into sumone that serious….from my perspective, I was the loser here. Not him.

Ironic. Just think about it.

~ by juita2cute on April 22, 2008.